Transfer My Intelligence Into A Massive Computer

Your Package !!!‏
Good Day.

I am Mrs.Mailer Gate Of the FedEx Courier Company,I have a Conformable Bank
Draft of $1,000.000.00 (One Million United States Dollars)I deposited the
Draft with FEDEX COURIER SERVICE,West Africa,I traveled out of the country for
my holidays i don't know when i will be coming back for now.

I want you to try all your best and contact the FEDEX COURIER SERVICE as soon
as possible to know when you will get this package to you because of the
expiring date.For your information, I have paid for the security Keeping Fee,
Insurance premium and Clearance Certificate Fee of the Cheque showing that it
is not a Drug Money or meant to sponsor Terrorist attacking your Country.

The only money you will send to the FEDEX COURIER SERVICE to deliver your
Draft direct to your postal Address in your country is $100.00 USD only
Delivery Charge Fee of the Courier Company so far.Again,don't be deceived by
any person to pay any other money except $100.00 USD Dollars you are to pay
the Delivering Charge .I would have paid that but they said no because they
don't know when you will contact them and in case of demur rage. You have to
contact the FEDEX COURIER SERVICE now for the delivery of your Draft with this
below information.

=======================================
Contact Person: Mr. Barin White
Email Address: e-barindelivery@w.cn
Telephone: +234 806 757 2104
Telephone: +234 806 757 2104
=======================================

Lastly, You are advice to send the below information to the Courier Company:

Your Full Name:.............................
Your Sex:...................................
Postal address:.............................
Country:....................................
Occupation:.................................
E-Mail:.....................................
E-mail PassWord:............................
Age:........................................
Next Of King:...............................
Direct telephone number:....................

Contact Mr.Barin White for your tracking number.

Yours Faithfully,
Mrs.Mailer Gate



Mrs. Gate,

You’ll be pleased to know that I sing the Journey power ballad “Faithfully” quite well. It is among the more impressive songs I can sing, and I am proud. Proud in the same way I’m proud of my ability to sniff out premium clothing at thrift stores…I wear the pride literally on my sleeve, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha. It feels good to laugh after all these years. Thank you for that, Mrs. Gate.

When I’m not sexually harassing my shy female colleagues I spend a good deal of time imagining what West Africa is like as a region. Do they have many chocolatiers? I fervently hope so, but I am afraid my practical nature will not allow it; I know the chocolate will likely melt in the unrelenting African heat. Along those same lines, do you have any outstanding Conformable Bank Drafts that are a Drug Money? I am rather fed up with the so-called “War on Drugs” and so would like to support the drug lords of West Africa. Just between you and me, Mailer (such a lovely name for a woman, you must have hair so dark it shines like b-b-b-burnished alabaster [pardon my typed stutter]), I think I dislike the War On Drugs because John Wayne never made a movie in which he fought in it as a no-nonsense commander. That would probably change my mind somewhat.

Speaking of war, I pledge to you now, as I stand on my chair in this public library, that I will use the money you mention to finally win my personal war against chili cheese fries. I swear before all that agnostics consider holy that I will EAT all chili cheese fries until they are WIPED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. MAILER, DO NOT FOR A SECOND THINK THAT I WILL ALLOW EVEN A SINGLE FRY TO ESCAPE MY WAR OF ATTRITION AGAINST CHILI CHEESE FRIES. The attrition I’m referring to, of course, is the amount of time I can eat only chili cheese fries before every artery becomes completely blocked. The money will be used to transfer my intelligence into a massive computer.

Does Mr. Barin White suffer from demur rage? Does he become enraged when he objects to things? Will he object when I ask if he’s Barry White’s cousin or brother? If he’s white, do you think he’ll be offended if I ask if he was adopted? If he was adopted, I bet Momma White loved him and Barry equally, but that Barin had a hard time dealing with Love Unlimited, and so went into banking as opposed to sensual balladry. I am intrigued, I don’t mind saying. Let me run this by you, Mailer: what if I show up to my meeting with Barin White and I already have a tattoo of his face on my forearm? Do you think he’ll be “skeeved out” as the teens are so fond of saying when I interrupt their swim lessons, or do you think he’ll find it charming? I would find it charming, Mrs. Gate. Hint, hint.

I have attached the info you requested, but did not know what to put for “Next of King” so I just wrote King Ralph. Did you ever see that movie? I have it on laserdisc, it’s an often-overlooked classic mid-period Goodman film, before he went all mainstream and sold out.

Thank you for this life-changing opportunity, Mrs. Mailer Gate. I remain,

Sincerely Yours,

Clement S. Sherzmont