We Could Blast The Earth With Dynamite

CAN I TRUST YOU???‏

From:	Anneke van der Meijer Meer (****@scopescholen.nl)
	You may not know this sender.Mark as safe|Mark as junk
Sent:	Wed 5/26/10 2:03 PM
To:

Hello.

Although you might be apprehensive about my email as we have never met before. I am Dr. Bruce Moore, a Banker,Head Of Operations with (NatWest Bank Plc) No. 5 The Parada, Qadby, Leicester, LE2 SBB. There is the sum of £20,000,000.00 currently in my branch,there were no beneficiary stated concerning these funds which means no one would ever come to claim it.

That is why I ask that we work together,I will be pleased to work with you as trusted person and see that the fund is transfered out of my Bank into another Bank Account. Once the funds have been transfered to your nominated Bank account we shall then share it in the ratio of 60% for me, 40% for you.Your urgent response is been awaited as this is an opportunity of a lifetime for both of us.

Contact me: ****@hotmail.com
Full Name: Dr. Bruce Moore

Thanks,
Dr. Bruce Moore

Doctor Moore,

Let me put it this way:  I’m pretty sure I’m the only one of the two of us who’s completed all the objectives in The Great Waldo Search, so maybe your email should be asking if I can trust you.  Found Waldo in every scenario?  Check.  Found all the scrolls?  Check.  Proud of myself?  You better believe it.  I may not be a Banker,Head but I, like my father before me, know my way around a corn dog stand.  

Now twenty million pounds is nothing to be sneezed at, Dr. Moore, so I won’t insult you by pretending to know what a bank is.  You seem to understand where the money goes once I put it in the money hole and that’s enough for me.  However!  I have stipulations.

First I want five extra hours in the day.  I propose we accomplish this by blasting the Earth just a few thousand miles further away from the Sun (just a few thousand).  We could blast the Earth with dynamite, we could blast the Earth with just about anything, really.  The point is I need those five extra hours to plan and perfect a working Vulcan Nerve Pinch because it’s just time.  It’s time, Dr. Moore.  

Second:  I’ve been coughing a lot lately and so I want to get a tattoo.  Maybe on my face, maybe on my chest or neck, but it will read STOP COUGHING in Lucida Blackletter font that is reversed so I can read it in the mirror while I yell “Stop coughing!” at my reflection.  I’ve found that reinforcement is an effective way to incorporate new life skills.

Third ----- As trusted person, I would like to nominate Nelson Mandela’s bank account.

Finally, I think we should use your share of the money to get one of those petition things going to try and rename a thing something else.  See what you think about renaming cars “Autodrive Monsters.”  Let it roll around on your tongue for a minute!  “Pretty sweet new Autodrive Monster you got there, Harv.”  “How many miles per gallon does that Autodrive Monster get, Mary?”  Ready for the twist?  Harv and Mary…are the same PERSON!  BOOM!  DOUBLE LIVES DOCTOR MOORE!  SECRETS UPON SECRETS!  CAN YOU HANDLE IT!?   OF COURSE YOU CAN.

Let me wrap up by saying I’m writing this from a moving bus and I think I can see The Parada, Qadby, Leicester, LE2 SBB through the window.  Oh, that might have been a homeless shelter.  And not one of those heartwarming ones where people turn their lives around.

Safely Tucked Away,

Mitchell Ghiss