Get Out the Gladiator Net, This One's Wearing Combat Boots

looking for a sexy sgood figured‏

From:	Jamie (****@pookmail.com)
Sent:	Thu 5/06/10 5:52 AM
To:	****@hotmail.com

hi hunny, long time since we spoke last. i posted an ad on cl and got flooded with replies, but i liked yours the best. i'll cut to the chase with everything, ive signed up and used just about every dating site out there and i never have the same luck as i do on cl, its just kinda scary meeting random guys. I used to use a few dating sites that would screen members for being offenders but they were normally fakes or scams and the guys i did meet up with were normally mad at me lol. anyways i jsut got lifelock and one of the best features in my mind is the offender registry they have, you can look up your own address to see if someone is using it as a offender address, good info for you to know and for a girl to know before meeting a stranger. I want to be the bad girl you want me to be, but i want to be safe too, this is simple just signup for a account at **** and then you can do a background search on your address, click Reply on this email and email me back your results if your address is safe ill come over whenever you want, I would like to meet sooner then later so get the account and email me ill send u my cell u can tell me the naughty things you want to do to me hehe kiss kiss jamie hoffman

Jamie,

Hey girl! I understand your late reply, I always get just flooded with responses whenever I post an ad on ColanderLife.biz. They’re all like “Hey, sweet colander!” and no one talks much about my ads for colander hole enlargement. And I’m just frustrated, Jaime, because I really do feel that I have perfected a system for enlarging the holes in colanders and the world of ColanderLife.biz either isn’t ready for that or they can’t see the potential for their pasta straining or produce washing needs. It’s just a frustration, Jamie! I mean, get with the program, ColanderLife.biz!

Now, whenever I need my online hookup partners screened without them knowing it, I always go to BearTrap.org, where all the most eligible butch, hairy men are rated and cross-referenced with the sex offender list of your zip code. You have to put in your zip code, in the upper right hand corner? On the BearTrap message boards we call it “tagged and bagged” like we’re bear scientists, which is accurate given the amount of raw meat I handle. Ooooh! Oh no I didn’t! Yes I diiiiiid. I’m nasty, ooooh! Girl, I’m serious, it gets crazy as a mother over at the BearTrap. So anyway, yes it’s important to screen. Although sometime, just between you, me and the sea, it’s almost better to not know, you know? You know what I mean? Just, just closing your eyes and gettin’ a grip on what’s ever poking through that hole in the wall. I swear, I swear sometimes I am too much. Too much!

So I was tweetin’ the other day. Do you tweet Jamie? I just can’t get enough of it, I swear the battery on my phone dies quicker than a Haitian! So I was tweetin’, and I said “Who’s making nachos for themselves? I AAAAAAAM! Hashtag deliciousness Hashtag so much awesome” and it was a little sad because I had actually just said that out loud to myself right before I tweeted it and I was all alone when I said it but I was like really peppy about it, like I was AMPED about those nachos. But at the same time, there I was all alone and there wasn’t anyone to enjoy the nachos with me and they didn’t turn out all that awesome to be honest. I tell you what though, I love to tweet.

Jamie, have you ever had something turn out not so great? Like maybe your kids? I have two kids and they’re doing awesooooome! These women, I swear, these women take one look at my triceps and they’re like, “I don’t care how you mix up your dough as long as I get your bun in my oven.” I swear, Jamie! No it’s true, these women out there are baby CRAZY. They’re all like, “Ooooh, my biological clock!” and I’m all like “Girl, you better wind that biological clock ‘cause it better not go off and wake me up! I need my ten hours!” Then they’re all like “Get out the gladiator net, this one’s wearing combat boots!” ‘cause I went through a combat boot phase? Combat boot phase, ooooh like, seven years ago?

Well, in closing Jamie I guess I should quote my old aunt Bill – that’s a little joke – who was fond of saying,

Work Hard, Gay Hard,

Clarence Fish