The Sharks Of Love

GREAT JOY!!!‏

From:	MRS. MELISSA JOHNSON (****@live.com)
	This message may be dangerous.
Sent:	Wed 5/05/10 4:18 AM
To:

SOUTH AFRICAN FIFA WORLD CUP 2010 INTERNET LOTTERY PROMOTION

Dear winner,

Congratulation your email address has won ($1,500, 000, 00) One Million Five Hundred Thousand United States dollars only with winning No: 8, 10,13,22,32, and 38. With a ticket number: 268984667103 in the just concluded fifa world cup draw held to promote South African 2010 World Cup. However, you have been allocated a free ticket to watch the World Cup live here in South Africa and your flight ticket will also be sent to you through your address.

Please call or contact the claim agent with your information to process your claim

Mr. Brown Adams

Email: claimstoday2010@****.com
TEL: +27 783 532 137

Your full names: ……………..

 Nationality:……………………

 Present address……… …………..

Tel number: ……………………….

Fax number:……………………..

Occupation: ……………………..

Sex:……………………………

Age:………………………….

Winning E-mail……………………

Ticket Number:…………………..

Winning Numbers:………………

Amount Won:…………………..

Call your claim Agent immediately for your claim, Thank you for your co-operation.

Yours Sincerely 
 Mrs. Melissa Johnson
 Online coordinator for South African fifa world cup 2010 internet lottery promotion

                                                                                                                     

Helllllloooooo!

I am full of greetings today!  I am truly, truly happy for the email Melissa!  Melissa Johnson!  I have a dream that today I can start making come true!

It came to me while I slept one day in my pay-by-the-month hotel room:  marmots!  Marmots are highly intelligent rodents of the weasel variety, and I want to train them to run in large golden tubes all along office buildings, carrying messages in smart looking, finely tailored lavender vests.  They will not be able to chew through their vests, but the vests also will not chafe them!  I went to the large bank in my city to apply for a three billion dollar loan to get my Marmot Mail dream up and running (pun most deliciously intended!) and do you know what the bank man said about my dream Melissa Johnson?  He said to me “Nice dream, idiot.” while looking me in the eyes and stamping “REJECTED” multiple times on the loose scraps of paper I handed him four hours earlier.  He emphasized the word “idiot” with real passion!  Ha ha Melissa!  The pain in my heart was truly like a thousand poisoned daggers, each more hungry for my soul-blood than the last!

But my life is better for the cause of your email, because now I can afford to buy the materials to truly and for all times bomb that bank!  Bomb the daylights out of it!  It is a time of joy and great joy, as your email says.  My ancestors will finally know satisfaction for the paper cuts and loss of face I suffered that day at the hands of Vig Bushton.  Vig!  I’ll see you reduced to unidentifiable ash and dust yet!  Try gelling your perfect head of hair when you’re pulverized bone fragments, Vig Bushton!  Melissa, do you not hate Vig Bushton with an equal hate as I?  This is why we will make such a great marriage!  I got your personal cellular number from Mr. Brown Adams and am writing this from the internet café across from your modest condo building!  It is not so much an internet café as it is an alley!

Melissa, can’t you see how perfect we are for each other?!  I love getting email, you love writing email!  I want to watch Vig Bushton’s face when he sees the wall of flames about to engulf him, you know who Vig Buston is!  I love soccer, you work for the World Cup!  I harbor dual dreams of marmots inefficiently delivering hand written intra-office messages and large-scale explosive mayhem, you need to know my full names!  They say “ships in the night”, but I say why not sink those ships, and let the sharks of love feast on the passengers and crew!  Be my shark, Melissa Johnson!  Say you’ll be my shark, say it!  Say it!  Say it!  Say it! Say it! Say it!

I’m Looking At You,

Adam “Ted Theodore Logan” Adams